Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Underwear? What underwear??

So, I'm not sure how the weather has been treating everybody in their neck of the woods... but here behind the outlet mall it has been HOT, HUMID, and what I might call "GLORIOUS!!!" Yes - I love summer and all that it entails! My husband would rather be ice fishing, but not me folks! Bring on the heat... Anyways, in the midst of this spicy summer weather that we have been sporting, a memory has come to mind that I thought I should share with all of you! Yes, even strangers (Hey y'all!) - I guess I'm just brave like that!
So.... without further ado... pull up a chair (preferably a chaise lounge chair), a cold beverage, and your peepers (if you can't see anything without them (mother!) and enjoy...
Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land far, far away (actually in Jefferson City, Iowa. Which in my case was REALLY FAR, FAR away in an un-air-conditioned yellow car with sticky fake-leather seats that you had to peel yourself off of and my sisters feet on my lap) my family had all gathered for my dad’s cousins wedding. I remember being just a tad bit miffed that I wasn’t in the wedding as a flower girl, like my other cousin and her 2 brothers. I was BORN for that role, I tell you! No, I was just an on-looker. Sitting in a pew on a hot summers evening awaiting the cake and more importantly ice cream! Now as great as this sounds (wink wink) let me take you back to a few hours previous to this. Cue the crowded motel room where my father, mother, sister and I were all running around to get ready. My mom had laid out my peach colored knit sundress for me and I recall putting that on fresh out of the bathtub but not being able to find any underwear to wear. Now, under normal circumstances you would think I’d go find mommy dearest, or at least call for her a dozen times to have her dig in the clothes to find me my undergarment that I was missing (most likely labeled with the days of the week - NERD) However, I must have either been so hot and ticked off about not being IN the wedding or just didn’t care so I didn’t wear any. Now, I was only 6 or 7 but REALLY should have had something on. But off we went- headed to the chapel - this chick was going commando! Ok… back to the wedding pew. So there I sat. The only one in my family aware of the fact that I was wearing zip. Zero. Zilch underwear! It was kind of a freeing moment (literally) and one in which I knew I had a giant secret and wasn’t about to let it out - at least not yet! The reception site was at a nice restaurant and after dining they had a wedding dance! Now, this was my time to shine! I was an avid dancer and once the music began I was on my feet. In awe of the beautiful bride dancing amongst me! We did the “Hokey Pokey” “Bunny Hop” “Limbo” “Chicken Dance” you name it… I owned it! And I distinctly remember rolling around on the wooden dance floor - under the disco ball just grooving and doing my thing - showing all of the wedding guests my moves - and probably a whole lot more of Maggie then they would ever want to see. Yet there I was! Free as a bird! My mother unaware of the fact that I was NOT I repeat NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR! Cue the motel room a few hours LATER! We are all changing out of our dress clothes and into something a little more comfortable (little did they know how comfortable I really was! Ha!). My mom recommends that I put on some leggings and I remember very non-shalantly saying “Ok. But shouldn’t I put some underwear on first.” And that my friends, is when all holy hell broke loose in Jefferson City, Iowa. Now I don’t remember all of the details, but I do remember my mother being absolutely mortified at the fact that her daughter had just attended a wedding AND reception AND danced all over “God’s green earth” without any underwear! She was the woman whose daughters ALWAYS had nice dress-up clothes (whether they were hand me downs or not) and a matching cardigan to attend any type of event. This “no underwear” event about sent her overboard! There was a lot of “Maggie Amanda! How could you?” “Why didn’t you ask for some?” “Did you LOOK for some?” “Oh my goodness gracious land sakes alive!” “This is UN-ACCEPTABLE! Do you hear me!?” All the while, I of course began crying because my secret had finally come out AND because I think I was probably embarrassed! Let’s just say I was put in underwear and didn’t make much eye contact with my mom for the rest of the evening. But when I was re-hashing this story with her before writing this we both had to just throw our heads back and laugh because we’re pretty sure this instance began my wild streak - even though the wild part of me didn’t necessarily come out until, oh, say college - I think it all really began in Iowa at the wedding when I didn’t get to be a flower girl so instead I decided awww… screw the underwear! Who needs em’!
P.S. I will not tell you if I am wearing underwear at this very moment! But, if you ask me to attend your wedding - you can figure it out for yourself!
Happy Wednesday,

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